The footfalls of loneliness can be heard quite early in today’s people’s lives.  The feeling of loneliness starts creeping into people’s minds from the moment their children start leaving their hometowns in pursuance of their studies or jobs outside. Today’s family set ups that mostly happen to be nuclear seem to be responsible to a considerable degree for such an aggression of loneliness into people’s lives. It can be found that the parents suffer from desolation – because in the deserted house that belongs to a nuclear family system, they do not have the other people to turn up to – after their children leave the house. But today’s fast life that brings on a lot of struggle for survival and that makes an allotment of different work schedules to different people doing various types of jobs often makes it tough for an extended or joint family to grow  with adjustment and amity among its individuals.  Hence, to avoid clashes and counters which are likely to grow in an extended family among its members, having different likes and dislikes pursuing different work plans, people prefer nuclear family to live in now.  Therefore, it can be said that a joint family cannot be taken as the ultimate antidote to the aforesaid problem of loneliness of people.

                The loneliness viewed above can be stated as an indispensible part of today’s people’s lives and everyone who happens to be blessed with children is surely to fall in its clutch because nowadays’  children’s mobility out of their native places is mostly facilitated by good communication system whether internet facilities or improved modes of transport.  

                The loneliness knocks against their hearts persistently when parents are left alone at home without their children around. The memories of children invading through the house, their talking aloud, their shrieking and arguing earlier, tend to rustle all around the parents like dry autumnal leaves. The whiff of a mild breeze often blows the nose with the faint smell of the perfume that the children used to wear, at the opening of their cupboards, and that seems to sap away all the thrills of joy from each and every vein of the parents’ body. The trophies that the children earned at various competitions become more glaring in their shines to proclaim their absence in the house.  

                Now the question is how to get rid of loneliness’ clutch which the parents are in at the absence of their children when the extended or joint family cannot be taken up as the helpful measure to ward off that feeling of desertion? The answer to this question may be supplied with a touch of positivity saying that there are a number of ways that may be tried as remedies to the parental malady of loneliness.    

                It is said that every cloud has a silver lining and hence the loneliness that parents tend to feel at their children’s absence can be utilized in doing something worthwhile if they wish to unveil its positive facade.  It is true in case of all people that as long as their children are with them, they have to involve themselves in sundry tasks in order to fulfill parental responsibilities. Children’s leaving home almost puts an end to all those duties and free time emerges that in the name of loneliness starts stinging the parents. But instead of allowing themselves to churn all the past memories of their offspring and feeling down at that free time, if parents can engage the time in other activities then it turns out to be laudable in being effective to save them from leading desolate lives.

                Fulfilling their responsibilities towards their children often involve self sacrifices on parts of parents. It is mostly seen that being under the pressure of hectic parental duties, it sometimes becomes very difficult for some parents to focus on the areas of their interests or hobbies. It can be said with conviction that every person on this earth is blessed with a particular hobby of them or they have their own area of interest. The hobbies may be of different types such as painting, reading, writing, drawing, dancing, singing, cooking, gardening, doing social services etc. But it is seen that people are not often aware of the presence of hobby in them. But it does not signify that they do not have any hobby if they are not conscious of its existence in them.  Reversely, it suggests the hobby to be present in them but it is in a dormant state due their not nurturing it running short of time for personal use. It happens especially in case of women that after their marriage involving them in child rearing they forget to cherish their hobbies. Therefore, when time comes that the children are on their own and some free time lands on parents, it is wise for the latter to use that time to relish their hobbies. Cultivating hobby can be termed as an ideal way to savor the flow of time and the happiness that it generates happens to be genuine. The happiness is genuine since it results from doing something creative because a true hobby is always productive. The happiness never results with a feeling of satiety for the person who tastes it while experiencing their hobby. Hence, concentrating on one’s hobby and allowing it to grow is a supreme way to be involved in dynamic use of time. Such a use of time, it can be said, may become effective in saving parents from the wear and tear of desolation and to keep their spirits up with a perfect sort of bliss.  

                 In addition to the cultivation of hobby, being more and more empathetic in nature may also aid to shoo away the loneliness. The more the parents try to put themselves in their children’s shoes; it may become more helpful to drive away the feeling of loneliness. Understanding and feeling the situation of the child, who is away from home for a better cause, either for studies or for better livelihood, will make the parents happy rather than being dejected at the child’s absence.

                It often happens that being entangled with children – when they are their parents’ dependents – for most of the time makes it difficult for the parents to be in continuous contact with the people who they endear and sometimes their contacts with them even snap contrary to their wishes.  Hence, when children become self-reliant and are busy in their lives, parents can make it a point to revamp all those lost contacts.  A backward glance to the life spent also gives the scope to the parents to remember all those people who stood by them during their troubled times or misfortunes. Hence, when free time materializes, if parents can utilize it to develop more their proximity with those people or to tighten more their ties with them, a sense of business can be felt and happiness can be relished instead of being pricked with the feeling of desolation.

                The bustling life demanding many errands with the expenses to be incurred and a good chunk of time to be spent in order to fulfill those duties often turn out people into calculative in spending.  Hence, some of the wishes go uncared for at many times. At the completion of parental duties, making children to stand on their feet, those wishes can be taken up to be realized. Such as, if some are disappointed with the marks left on their appearances with the onset of advanced age, they can spend some time and some money to take care of those fissures then. But the guarantee for the complete and permanent mending of all those cracks with an average care cannot be given but it can be assured that they can be concealed under today’s makeup very nicely. Care may also be taken of the white patches left on hair trying to cover them under dye available in various qualities and shades in today’s market. Apart from that, when parents are free with some time and some cash in their hands, they can also respond to their itchy feet travelling far or near.     

                Blessed are those who can attain that spiritual level which aids them to take advantage of their loneliness to be in close communion with the Almighty. A close contact with the Almighty in prayer assists to wipe away the anxiety from mind that comes into existence at a forlorn state. The prayer lards the mind with a sort of magnanimous tranquility shooting positivity from all its sides.  Hence, being spiritual can also be considered as a weapon to drive away loneliness that results at the absence of children.

                It can be said that among all the assets that people hoard throughout their lives, children happen to be the best assets, the value of which cannot be judged by anything else whatever worth it may have on this earth. People devote their whole lives to see their children happy. Hence, it may be well said than done that parents may own the various ways as discussed above to drive away the loneliness that sets its impact on them when their children are away from them. The cheerlessness of course, is severe that the parents feel when their children are not with them. But it should be considered that this separation from children has become unavoidable, as already mentioned earlier, especially in today’s world and that is sometimes necessitated by good causes. Hence, it can be said that there may not be any harm if parents try some of the above discussed ways that may be effective to make them oblivious of loneliness for at least some time. When mind is free from the clutch of loneliness, it generates happiness and is in a healthy state. Under such circumstances, parents may look forward to live some moments with their children, when occasions demand, in a healthy and happy state under the same roof.  

……………Dr. Fathema Begum